Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
