I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
