I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
