you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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