his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize