She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
