best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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