please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
