I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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