I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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