that's an acceptable place to lick
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
