I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
