I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize