I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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