Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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