guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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