I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
