There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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