He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
