Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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