he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
