i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
