I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
