how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This is my gift to your gina
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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