Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
