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I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
