I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I didn't notice because vodka
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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