somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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