Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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