I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
