We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
