Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
