i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
