I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
