it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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