8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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