OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
