SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
