Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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