How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
