I want to make a zoo with you.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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