saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Let's paint friendship bongs
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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