shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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