At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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