she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
