Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
