There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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