I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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