i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
