i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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