Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
