i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
