I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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