i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
