Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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