is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
