She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
