end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
