chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
