FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
