This gyro tastes like lonliness
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
