And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
