I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
