he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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