Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
