the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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