Your dad touched me again.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
