Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
