Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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